My wake up times

For sometimes I being drown into the deepest hole that I never know before..
Yahh, I will call it with "drama world" because no matter I try to describe it to other name, it's useless..
In that hole, I am as "victim" when everyone else just "the bad character".
For sometimes I being so blind..

BRAKKKKKKK!!!!

"Someone" that I called "my other self" punch me really hard until I get down really hard.
"UNTIL WHEN YOU WANNA DOING THIS DRAMA?? UNTIL WHEN YOU WANNA BE A VICTIM IN YOUR OWN WORLD?? UNTIL WHEN YOU WANNA BEING SO SELFISH LIKE THIS?? UNTIL YOU DIE? UNTIL YOU GET SOME PITY FROM OTHERS?? WAKE UP NOW!!"

I'm thinking that questions again and again...
Realized how sad I'm, how hopeless I'm, how stupid I'm!
I remember how I'm in the past when I'm not entering this "drama world" yet. This is definitely not me, not Asa!

Since when I change become like this! Since when I become so spoiled to other peoples that I never know before!

Yahhhh... Now I began wake up from my "drama world". Slowly but sure, and bet me no one can beat me down at least for now.
YAWNNNN... Comeback to life, sweetie, Real life  ^_^

Believe

Maybe I'm not strong,

Maybe I'm not the best,

Maybe I'm not the most kind people,

Maybe I'm not the most caring people,

Maybe I'm not the sweetest people,

But I try to be all of that even not 100%.

I just keep trying and trying even it's not easy for me..

I believe if what I have done until now is not useless so that's the prize that I get.. 

Many feeling that I already feel..

Sad, mad, angry, disappoint, happy, etc..

I won't complain because I do this because I want it, not because you or anyone else.

I won't complain because I know, nothing in this world is instant..

Everything have their own way and process..  

Stage

Di saat melihat mereka berdiri di atas stage, sering ku berpikir apakah aq pantas ada di situ bersama mereka? Apa kelebihanq yg bisa disejajarkan bersama mereka? Istilah lbh ringkasnya sih Siapa aq? Apa aq berada di tmpt yg tepat? Selama ini aq mencari jawaban atas pertanyaan2 itu, tp bkn jawaban yg ada hanya utk menghibur ato meyakinkan diriq tanpa melihat realita..
Aq ingin mendapatkan jawaban itu sendiri tanpa campur tangan siapapun, no one.. Mungkin in bentuk keegoisan, gengsi, n keras kepalaq tp memang inilah aq.
Terkadang sebelum naik ke atas stage aq termasuk org yg calm n bisa tenang, tp begitu di atas stage pertanyaan2 itu kembali bermunculan. Suara penonton yg bergemuruh, musik seperti hilang. Stage itu seketika menjadi kosong dan aq sendiri.. Bergerak tanpa sadar..
Aq terkadang berpikir, dunia apa yg kumasuki ini. Jujur ketakutan selalu menghantuiq, tp krn gengsiq aq selalu bertingkah tenang dan cuek. Di dlm sebenarnya aq ingin menangis saking takutnya aq. Tp untungnya ga sampe menunjukkannya di dpn yg lain. Aq blh down, minder, takut, apapun itu. Tapi biar itu jd milikq sendiri selama aq bisa mengatasinya.
Sekarang salah satu bentuk yg timbul adl kerasnya aq sama diriq sendiri. Aq benar2 sdh mjd org yg berbeda, aq pun sadar dgn itu..
Tapi aq lbh takut klo aq ga berubah aq ga akan bisa berada di "tmpt itu" lg. Pengorbanan ini ga ada artinya jika dibandingkan dgn semuanya..